


when the road gets too rough

by hexicity



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Gen, Mental Illness, PTSD, Panic Attack, Trauma, service dog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 10:28:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10660680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hexicity/pseuds/hexicity
Summary: Magnus realizes that Simon needs help with his trauma.





	when the road gets too rough

Magnus was surprised that Simon came to his birthday party at all. 

He didn’t know why seeing Simon walk through the door startled him, because he really had gotten closer with the fledgling over the past month, but for some reason Magnus just didn’t think Simon would show. Loud music and a perpetual supply of alcohol didn’t seem like Simon’s scene. 

“Which birthday is this?” Jace asked over the bar while he waited for his and Clary’s drinks. “Seven-thousandth?”

“You’d think after seven-thousand birthdays I’d be smart enough to invite good company.” Magnus teased, and Jace sulkily looked at his parabatai. 

“I resent your choice to date someone who derives enjoyment from bullying me.” Jace told Alec, who rolled his eyes. “But I’ll stay at his party. Because of the alcohol.” 

“I suppose you aren’t the designated driver, then.” Magnus observed. Jace took a long swig of whatever he was drinking, vodka maybe, and scrunched his face against the burn in his throat. He shook his head. 

“Nope. That’s Simon. He doesn’t drink anyways.” Jace gestured sloppily over his shoulder and Magnus’ eyes followed the trail of Jace’s hand. Simon was sitting on one of the couches, and he looked kind of miserable. Clary was beside him but her back was turned to him as she chatted with a seelie. 

“Looks like he could use a drink.” Magnus murmured, but Jace adamantly shook his head. 

“Don’t try to persuade him. It’s personal.” Jace waited until Magnus nodded his understanding to accept his drink and leave, allowing himself to be swallowed up by the party. Magnus spent a few minutes listening to Alec and Maia, who had surprisingly similar senses of humor, which was pretty rare for Alec to find in someone. 

He looked up after ten minutes, his eyes falling on Simon again, and saw that Clary’s space on the couch had been taken by a new girl. She was pressed up rather close to Simon’s side, and her black hair was falling over her face like a curtain and blocking her expression. Still, Magnus could see Simon’s expression. And he looked terrified. 

“Be right back.” Magnus blurted, setting his drink on the bar and hurrying through the crowd. 

The girl had one hand on Simon’s neck and the other wrapped tight around his upper arm. When Magnus got closer he could see Simon struggling to get away, his usual constant chatter gone. He was shaking. 

“Hey, excuse me.” Magnus put a hand firmly on the girl’s shoulder. She turned to him, flashing a look of annoyance and a peek of white fang. “Sorry to interrupt, but please let go of my friend. I don’t think he wants you all over him.” 

“You don’t know what he wants.” She dismissed, turning back to drag her nails down Simon’s cheek. Simon flinched. He looked up at Magnus with wide eyes, his lips trying to form words.

“I do.” Magnus conjured just enough magic before grabbing her arm again. She jerked away, dark eyes wide. “Go. Away.” 

Finally, she released Simon and stalked away. Magnus knelt down in front of Simon, who had his arms wrapped around his midsection, still shaking. Magnus didn’t touch him, only spoke in a soft voice. 

“My room is off-limits. Do you want to go rest in there? I can take you, I’ll only touch you if you want me to.” 

Simon nodded. He feebly grabbed at Magnus’ arm with a shaking hand and allowed Magnus to lead him through the crowd. He used his magic to make sure there was a wide enough path that Simon wouldn’t feel crowded, and he lifted the magic ban on his bedroom just long enough for him to get Simon inside. 

Magnus held Simon’s curls back while his stomach rejected whatever blood was in his system. 

“I’m sorry.” Simon eventually whispered after a few minutes of silence, both of them sitting on the bathroom floor. “You’re missing your party.” 

“It wasn’t that fun.” Magnus promised. “When you have seven-hundred birthdays the parties kind of blur together. Are you okay?” 

Simon nodded, his eyes fixating on the tiled floor. “She reminded me of Camille. When she--did stuff to me.” 

Camille had tortured Magnus for decades, but he wasn’t sure he ever hated her more than he did in that moment. 

“Do you have panic attacks often?” Magnus asked gently. “Or is this the first one?” 

Simon chuckled tiredly. “Definitely not the first. Whenever someone gets too close or--or I feel closed in. Like I’m in the grave again. And you know I keep thinking it’ll go away, or that the next time it happens it won’t be as bad. But I think it’s getting worse. And the bad things just keep happening to me.” 

Magnus watched Simon unconsciously raise a hand to his throat and rub his fingers along the line that Valentine had cut with his sword. 

“Simon,” Magnus began without really knowing what to say, “there are things that can help you. I’m not saying the trauma will just go away, but there are resources.” 

Simon gave Magnus a tiny smile. “You helped. I usually have to do it alone. Except once, with Jace.” 

“If it helps to have someone, you can always call me.” 

Simon shook his head. “I can’t call you every time. What if you’re working? Or sleeping? Or if you’re out with Alec? I can’t expect you to be like--like my service dog or something.” 

Magnus looked up. “What about an actual service dog? A therapy dog? They’re amazing, Simon, they can learn your cues and defend you, comfort you, keep you calm. I know a great place that you can adopt from, too.” 

Simon hesitated. “Do I really--deserve one? I mean shouldn’t they go to people who really need them?” 

“PTSD is real, Simon. Don’t convince yourself that you don’t deserve help compared to anyone else.” 

It took a bit of nudging, and a night of sleeping on the idea in Magnus’ bed, safe from the party, until Simon agreed to the idea. They went the very next day, spending a good two hours meeting with different dogs, all of whom Simon beamed at the entire time. 

He found a black labrador that nestled its nose in the crook Simon’s neck and shoulder and it was all over. Magnus could detect the exact moment that Simon fell in love with his dog, which he proudly named Mulder. 

A week of paperwork and certification passed before Simon got to take Mulder home, and they were inseparable from then on. The dog was well-loved by everyone, especially Jace who insisted that the dog loved him nearly as much as Simon. But looking at Simon laying on the couch with his dog sitting guard at his feet, his paw protectively over Simon’s ankles, Magnus didn’t think it was possible. 

It was true love.

**Author's Note:**

> I felt like Simon's trauma is never addressed, despite him going through multiple damaging experiences. I researched, but I may have gotten some of the details of service dog adoption wrong, and for that I do apologize!!
> 
> Also, the title is from the song Dog by The Strumbellas!
> 
> Come hang w me on tumblr or leave me a prompt @simonlewhiss!


End file.
